Tuesday was my 6-week post-op mark. While most people recovering from this surgery would simply get the appropriate X-rays done and get direct feedback from their surgeon with a blessing to progress to P.T. or increase weight bearing (or not), my experience wasn’t so smooth. Its the nature of the beast since I flew 1500 miles to have my surgery. I could not afford nor do I have the energy to fly back to CA for a simple hour appointment. Hence I arranged to meet with the local Orthopedist who originally diagnosed me with hip dysplasia in March 2013.
I have everything in order, from getting all my medical records transferred to a simple X-ray order: AP Pelvis and False Profile. I was forewarned that the False Profile view is unusual and just to have the x-ray tech to “look it up in the book.” Long story short, the X-ray tech refused to look it up, discredited me that there is no such thing as a False Profile view, (she’s wrong) and proceeded to take another X-ray view which she insisted was the right one, even though she had no idea about PAO’s. In fact, another warning sign was that she asked me not only once, but TWICE “So, how did you break your pelvis?” GRRRR! I wanted to slap her. On a positive note, Dr. Stoll did say he saw bone growth (but he is not sure if its on par since I am his first PAO post-op follow up). He said he will defer to Dr. Bellino, which is fine; after all, he is the PAO expert I hired to fix me.
I was so frustrated and upset with the x-ray experience that I immediately messaged Stanford with views of my x-rays, hoping to get some feedback. Since my surgeon is out of town (holiday weekend), I have to wait until next week for feedback. DAMMIT! When I should be celebrating this landmark, I came home and was angry, frustrated and depressed. It led me to an argument that evening with Shawn, I even managed to throw my walker across my office. Even Evie, my fur baby kitty, was out of sorts, walking around hissing. I cried hard. I cried because I am so goddamn sick and tired of being a cripple, incapable of so many things. I cried that my only connection to the outside world is Facebook, and sometimes I wonder if anyone even CARES about what I post? (I have had friends de-friend me since I started sharing more about hip dysplasia and my surgery). While others on the PAO Facebook support group at the 6-week post op mark are cleared for “weight bearing as tolerated” and starting physical therapy, I feel like I am ready to move forward but am at a standstill at the perpetual red light. Needless to say I was in a slump Tuesday and Wednesday. No matter how well I am healing, no matter how positive I am, the PAO life is a roller coaster and has its emotional ups and downs, and it still rocks my world.
Last night I needed a change from my routine; I took a hot bath with mineral salts. I figured I could slide in the tub, off the ledge, by using my triceps (which are super buffed, by the way). I wanted to submerge myself and feel…different. At that point, I wasn’t even sure I could get back out. I really didn’t care. I just wanted to be in HOT water (I am cold all the time) and let the frustrations from the past 2 days seep out of me and into the water, and eventually have all that bad juju go down the drain. Obviously, I got out of the bath tub just fine (or else I would not be blogging, ha!) and the goal was accomplished. I allowed myself to release my anger and frustrations, and welcomed back my strength and determination. I asked my higher self for patience so that I am not obsessing over my progress. Last night I imagined Dr. Bellino telling me, “You are my rock star patient, you are healing perfectly as planned. All restrictions will be lifted in two weeks.”
While I sat in the hot bath tub last night, storms with 6 tornados touched down in Colorado, making national news. In a way, the storms Tuesday and Wednesday correlated to my mood. This morning is still, and I can see clear blue skies from my bedroom window. Here’s to celebrating “some bone growth” – I’ll take what I can get.