Speed Bump

In a car, have you ever hit a speed bump by surprise? It jostles you, you instantly slow down and wonder, “Where did that come from? Why didn’t I see it coming?”

I hit a mental and emotional speed bump yesterday. It was a big one. In between holidays, yesterday was my day to catch up on a few things by running a bunch of errands.  My thoughtful sister gave me some post-surgery clothes for Christmas: a long black skirt of soft cotton, pajama bottoms with a fun tribal print that are tempting to wear out to lunch, soft fuzzy socks, and yoga pants.  All worked except for the yoga pants: they were too tight and I hear tight clothes can irritate the incision area.   I add “Target: exchange” to my to do list.

I successfully exchange the yoga pants for a credit, and I happily walk to the workout/PJ section. I start looking at PJ sets, soft fleece! Yes! Darn only in medium. I need a large. Cotton knit or flannel? Long nightgown instead? All of a sudden I hit my speed bump.  I can’t bring myself to buy clothes for my PAO recovery. My eyes start to well up in tears. AGAIN.

“Stop crying Jen!” I say to myself. “With all the crying lately and your red swollen eyes people will think you are a stoner!”

And while I am trying not to lose it in the middle of Target, it hits me: I am absolutely terrified of this surgery. My pelvis will be sawed apart, reset and screwed back together. No wonder why when I tell people about my surgery, 95% of the time they look at me with that “I have gas” look:  you know the one, half smiling but grimacing but smiling politely while their eyes dart around like “get me out of here!”

I walk out of Target with a new hairbrush and cotton-balls, limping back to my car.

While I am normally very positive (or at least convince myself to be) accepting my fear about this surgery is the only way I can process it and move through it.  I am 10-weeks out, plenty of time to process and move through this emotional roller coaster.

Tomorrow is a New Year, and while it poses many challenges, I have no choice but to move forward, speed bumps and all.


5 thoughts on “Speed Bump

  1. Wow this is my life. I was told my right hip was displaced. After a twin pregnancy and inability to walk without pain afterward, I was then told bilateral dysplasia, advanced arthritis on my right side, bursitis, IT band syndrome, blahblahblah. The other night, my 3 year old wanted a piggy back ride to bed. My husband graciously volunteered but I said,” no I want to. Someday I won’t be able to do it, and that day will come sooner for me, than for you.” I carried him up the stairs with tears in my eyes. I’ve also led a very athletic life and this diagnosis and surgical options have me whirling. Good luck on your surgery. I know how you feel.

    1. Hi Sarah,
      Thanks for your comment. Know you are not alone. The Facebook PAO support group is a great place to get many of your questions answered, and if you have any questions for me regarding my hip dysplasia experience, please friend me on Facebook and you can private message me.
      Best, Jen

  2. I am two weeks out from my first PAO. Actually, tomorrow morning will be 12 days. The countdown and feelings of needing to prepare but being too overwhelmed to actually do anything has completely hit. A phone call with my mom left me crumpled on a ball at the foot of my bed. Sobbing.
    As hard as this situation is, there is a small bit of comfort in knowing that at least the emotional turmoil that walking into a PAO triggers is shared by other hippies.

    1. Hi Sarah,
      I was told by another hippie, Juicer 6000 (she has a great blog, by the way, click here) that the hardest part of the (first) PAO surgery is the time before and anticipation of the surgery. Hang in there, breathe and trust! I’m rooting for you!
      Best, Jen

  3. I know that you have a journey ahead that is frightening, but you are strong and a fighter and I believe you will do well. I know of several older folks who have put off hip sx and then after it was over, they wondered why they waited. You will do GREAT!

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