Ready, Set….Wait?

I am 14.5 weeks post op RPAO.  So far, my recovery had been about 3 weeks ahead of schedule from my LPAO on April 8, 2014.  That said, logic would say 3 weeks ahead of schedule. So what do I decide to do?  Go for a walk! Hell, even try to run!  The weather was damn near perfect today, high 60’s/low 70’s. I decided to carve a little bit of time from my buried pile of work to go outside, get some Vitamin D and exercise.

I felt good for the first 10 minutes into my walk, so I wanted to push it, just a little…”What harm would a 60 second trot (or plod, if you are a runner in Boulder) do?”   First bit felt ok!  Well, OK then!  I walked for 3 minutes and tried my second 60 second trot.  This one hurt a bit more, but my athlete’s mind reassured me, “Just run through the pain, you’re just stiff from not doing anything in the past 8 months.”   So I walk and stretch for the next 3 minutes.  By the 3rd round, I was in pain.  I stopped 30 seconds short.   Heartbroken, and a little worried, I had to make it back the 1 mile (2 miles total) to my car.

Immediately icing, I got up from the couch and I could barely move! Excruciating pain! “What the…?” I thought. Great. I really did a number on myself.  How pathetic. 2 mile walk and only 150 seconds of running.  There are people healed from this stupid surgery at this point!  Obviously I am NOT fully healed and PAIN was screaming at me, telling me I am NOT 100%.

I am generally very hard on myself.  I was upset the rest of the afternoon, picking apart my poor choices.  Then I got pissed.  I have been in survival mode for so long, years in fact, that I am finally done with just surviving. I want to THRIVE, not survive!  I want some normalcy, like, being able to get on and off the floor EASILY.  Like have a decent earning wage to where I don’t have to stress about paying my bills.  Like having a normal day off to chill and do fun stuff (hike, bike) rather than being in bed icing, looking at Facebook at all the good times that my friends are having.    I want to grab life by the balls and feel well enough to experience life’s adventures, big and small.  Is that too much to ask?

While my mind says yes, my body says no.  I guess I will have to wait. And definitely cut back on Facebook.

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